


5 Times People Thought Steve Rogers Was a Virgin (and the One Time He Proved He Wasn't)

by emeraldsage85



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 04:03:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11661240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emeraldsage85/pseuds/emeraldsage85
Summary: Steve is adorably awkward whenever discussions of sex or relationships come up so everyone thinks he's a virgin. Eventually they're proven wrong.





	5 Times People Thought Steve Rogers Was a Virgin (and the One Time He Proved He Wasn't)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this post by starlorde on Tumblr:
> 
> "Everyone thinking Steve is this gentleman everywhere and sort of a blushing virgin but one morning he walks into the kitchen of avengers mansion like an hour later before everyone else his hair is a mess he has a robe half on with some underwear underneath and has bruises everywhere from his neck to his hips and everyone just stares in shock and Bucky comes in and he’s 200% worse."

 

1.

 

“I don’t see why I need to have a physical. The serum keeps me perfectly healthy,” Steve says from where he’s perched uncomfortably on the exam table.

“You’re getting one because everyone’s getting one, even me,” Bruce says. He grabs a clipboard from the desk and begins checking off items in black pen. “Let’s see, uh, I’ll want a CBC, a basic metabolic panel, maybe monitor your triglycerides since most of the team is getting that one, and you’ll need to give a urine sample as well.”

“Why do you need a urine sample?” Steve asks.

“Everyone gets a full STD panel. It’s part of the physical,” Bruce says absently as he makes more marks on his clipboard.

“I’m pretty sure I don’t need that. I mean I haven’t-” Steve starts to say as he flushes bright red from the roots of his hair to his toes.

Bruce looks up from his clipboard and gives Steve a knowing look. “You mean you’re a virgin?” he asks.

“No, no, I-I mean, I, uh… the serum-” Steve sputters, suddenly finding the floor very interesting.

“It’s okay Steve. You don’t have to give me any details but I have to test you anyway because it’s required,” Bruce says kindly.

Steve looks mortified. He opens his mouth but then quickly shuts it, obviously deciding against whatever he was going to say. Bruce decides to change the subject in order to help him save face. “I’m just going to take a blood sample. You’re not afraid of needles, are you?” he asks.

Steve seizes on it, looking extremely grateful for the subject change. “No, it’s fine,” he says.

 

2.

 

Steve’s sitting at the table, eating his oatmeal and trying to ignore the conversation that’s going on around him. For some reason the topic has turned to sex yet again and it makes him feel very uncomfortable. He slouches down in his chair, bringing his spoon to his mouth mindlessly as he reads the newspaper he bought yesterday, hoping that no one will ask for his opinion on anything.

“You should have seen this reporter I brought home once. Little spitfire of a blonde; I think her name was Christy or Christine or something that starts with a C. She got the interview of her life!” Tony crows from his seat at the head of the table.

“Oh great, is this going to be another episode of Tony Stark’s greatest conquests?” Natasha says, clearly annoyed.

“Hey, I don’t mind. Some of us at this table are old and have to live vicariously through him,” Clint says.

“Don’t act like you don’t have stories. Tell her the one about the acrobat twins in the circus,” Tony prompts, gesturing his fork in Clint’s direction.

Natasha uses her spoon to launch a cheerio from her cereal bowl across the table. It lands on Clint’s toast. “Gross!” he exclaims.

“Behave you guys,” Steve murmurs as he flicks over to the sports section. He quickly wishes he hadn’t said anything when Tony rounds on him.

“What about you Capsicle, got any good stories from before you were turned into a human ice cube?” he asks.

“Nope,” Steve says, deliberately keeping his eyes on his newspaper. He knows that any reaction besides disinterest will only egg Tony on so he goes back to reading in the hopes that the subject will drop.

“What about that woman you dated, what was her name?” Natasha asks.

“Peggy Carter. I read about her and it sounds like she was hot,” Clint supplies.

Tony waggles his eyebrows and says, “Come on Cap, you’ve gotta have some stories about her. ****Was****  she hot? Did you get any action?”

“I don’t kiss and tell,” is all Steve says.

“Give us a little more than that,” Clint urges. “I know things were different in the forties but I bet you have some stories about her. Was she as beautiful as the history books say?”

“Did she have huge tits?” Tony interjects.

“I don’t want to talk about her like that,” Steve says, cutting stormy eyes in his friends’ direction. “Just let me read the paper in peace.”

“Guys,” Natasha says in a warning tone. It’s clearly meant to tell them to leave Steve alone but Tony blatantly ignores it.

“Did she at least have a nice ass? You know those pencil skirts the chicks used to wear made them look-” He’s cut off by Steve shoving the table back angrily and rising from his seat. He stomps to the sink and slams his bowl into it so hard that it shatters.

“Fuck off Tony. I said I don’t want to talk about Peggy like that and you know why? Because she deserves better. She protected this country during the war and after I was in the ice she worked the rest of her life for S.H.I.E.L.D.! She’s in a nursing home now and she barely remembers me when I visit. I am not going to cheapen her memory or her legacy by talking about her like she’s one of those…those floozies you’re always bragging about!”

Steve storms out of the kitchen, leaving the other three at the table staring after him in his wake. “Wow, he must have really loved her,” Natasha whispers.

“I think he doth protest too much,” Tony says.

Clint glares at Tony and snaps, “You always take things too far Tony.”

Tony shrugs. “There’s being a gentleman and then there’s trying to cover up not having any experience. I’m pretty sure that there’s no evidence anything more than kissing ever happened between him and Peggy.”

“Maybe he loved her but they didn’t get that far,” Natasha suggests.

“Which would still make him a virgin since there’s no information that says he was with anyone before the war and he hasn’t been interested in anyone since he got defrosted,” Tony says.

Natasha shrugs and turns back to eating her toast. Clint gets up from the table and says, “I’m going to find him and apologize. I’d suggest you do the same Tony.”

“If you can’t handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen,” Tony says mockingly. Clint just rolls his eyes and leaves the room.

 

 3.

 

Sam flops down on the sofa with a beer in his hand and stretches out. “Aaah, this is the life. Nice place, good food, beer, and a movie,” he sighs. He grabs the remote control and turns on the DVD player to the start menu of Star Wars.

“Yep. I can check something off my list too,” Steve says from where he’s propped on the couch with a carton of Chinese food. He waits patiently for Sam to press play.

Instead Sam sets the remote down and says, “I need to ask you something.”

Steve groans in frustration. “Sounds serious. What is it?” he asks 

“Do you have a thing going with Sharon Carter? Natasha said-”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Steve interrupts, waving his chopsticks at his friend in a helpless gesture. “There is nothing going on between me and Sharon. Nat’s been trying to set me up with her and I’ve said no about a dozen times!" 

“So you’re really not interested?” Sam asks.

“No! Why is everyone so invested in my love life?” Steve snaps.

Sam leans back on the couch and grabs his carton of Shanghai noodles and a pair of chopsticks, grinning. “Because we’re your friends and we’re all really nosy,” he chuckles. “Anyways, I asked you about Sharon because I think she’s kind of cute and I think she likes me too. I just didn’t want to step on any toes if you were interested as well.”

Steve sighs in relief. “No, definitely not interested,” he says.

“Is there anyone you like? There’s gotta be someone out there who’s right for you,” Sam says.

“No, there’s no one. The guy who could have had all that went into the ice and someone else came out,” Steve says softly. He pretends to be occupied with stabbing a mushroom at the bottom of the carton he’s eating from, keeping his eyes carefully averted from his friend.

“Hey man, I know you think it’s hopeless but I’m sure you’ll find someone. Plenty of fish in the sea and all,” Sam says encouragingly.

Steve shrugs. “I don’t think so. Everyone I have anything in common with is dead or in a nursing home. ”

“Hey, opposites attract. Look at Pepper and Tony,” Sam says, trying to lighten the mood.

“It isn’t just that. It’s that I might as well be from another planet compared to people in this time. Everyone’s so forward about romance and sexuality and I just don’t fit in,” Steve complains.

“There are plenty of women who’d like to date a gentleman like you and if not I’m sure someone out there will volunteer to deflower the great Captain America,” Sam teases. 

Steve just scowls at him. “My sex life is not up for discussion,” he says.

“Just tell me you at least had one before you went into the ice and I’ll stop,” Sam needles him.

“It’s none of your business. Now can we please watch Star Wars?” Steve snaps.

“Does that mean you’ve never-” Sam starts to say but he quails at the look Steve’s giving him. “Okay, okay, I won’t ask any more questions,” he says, holding his hands up in surrender. He presses play on the DVD remote.

 

4.

 

Steve enters the kitchen and finds Natasha and Pepper in the midst of making breakfast. He waves to both of them in greeting before getting a bowl out of the cupboard. “Hey Steve, Pepper and I were just talking about you,” Natasha says.

“I hope you had good things to say,” Steve mutters. He opens a packet of instant oatmeal, pours it into the bowl, then adds a perfectly measured amount of water.

“Natasha was just saying that things didn’t happen with Sharon. I guess she was more interested in Sam than you,” Pepper says sympathetically.

“You mean Steve didn’t even try,” Natasha says acidly. Steve groans. He should have known that this would be about his non-existent love life, especially with Natasha involved.

“I told you several times that I wasn’t interested but you wouldn’t listen,” he complains.

“She’s nice, she’s intelligent, and she’s pretty. What more do you want?” Natasha asks. 

“It’s probably a little weird being that she’s Peggy’s niece though,” Pepper chimes in. “Maybe if I set up you with someone I know you’d be more interested.”

  
”Please tell me you don’t have someone in mind,” Steve says wearily. He crosses his arms and tries to look uninterested but Pepper isn’t deterred. 

“I have a friend who’s just your type - tall, long legs, long brown hair - absolutely gorgeous. She works as a graphic designer for an ad agency so the two of you would be able to talk about art. I think you’d hit it off,” she says.

Steve sighs and turns away to put his oatmeal into the microwave. “With all due respect Miss Potts I’m not interested in dating right now.” When he turns back he sees Natasha give him an exasperated look.

“Come on Steve, what’s stopping you from at least trying to find someone? It doesn’t matter if you’re inexperienced; everyone’s gotta start somewhere so why don’t you just give her chance? You’re a great guy so I’m sure she won’t be turned off by you being a -” Natasha cajoles.

“For the last time, no,” Steve cuts her off. “I’m so sick of everyone in this tower prying into my love life and it’s driving me crazy!”

“Steve, you’re technically still in your twenties. Go out and have a little fun. This is the time to do it,” Pepper says.

“I do have fun,” Steve says. He fishes a spoon out of the drawer just as the microwave dings and opens the door to his steaming bowl of oatmeal.

“Missions don’t count as fun,” Natasha says as he passes her on his way to the table.

“Look Nat, I’m just not interested right now. If there is anyone I like I’ll let you know,” Steve sighs. He unfolds his newspaper and turns to the sports section to read about baseball.

He doesn’t catch the sight of both women rolling their eyes at him.

 

5.

 

Steve tries to hide from everyone in the tower by going down to the shooting range to blow off some steam but it doesn’t work. Clint swings down from the rafters as soon as he picks up his gun.

“Hey Cap, how ya doing?” he says, landing perfectly on his feet.

“If you’re going to ask me about my love life you can get lost,” Steve snarls.

Clint holds up his hands in surrender. “Woah, that bad huh? Nat and Pepper driving you crazy?” he asks.

“It’s not just them, it’s everyone. Why is everyone in this building so invested in whether or not I’m dating someone?” Steve complains as he loads a clip into his gun.

“Because we want you to be happy. You just seem lonely a lot and maybe having someone in your life would make it a little better. At the very least you could tell everyone you’re definitely not a virgin anymore,” Clint says.

Steve sighs and sets his gun down. “I don’t think it’s something a date or even sex can make better. I went to my death willingly in the forties and woke up in a time where everything is completely foreign to me. There’s no one else around who’s experienced that. Everyone else got to either stay dead or live their lives. How am I supposed to find someone who can share that?”

“Maybe you don’t need someone who shares it, just someone who can help keep it from consuming you,” Clint suggests.

Steve shrugs. “If there is a such a person out there it’ll happen when it’s meant to happen,” he says casually. “I don’t need anyone’s interference.”

Clint smiles. “I’ll tell the girls to lay off. Maybe they can try to fix Bruce up with someone instead,” he jokes.

For the first time in days Steve finds himself laughing. “I’d like to see them try. He’d probably Hulk out and smash them both.”

Clint just flashes him a grin and turns for the door. “See ya around,” he calls on his way out.

Steve empties the entire clip into the nearest target, reloads, and does it again. Afterwards he feels a lot lighter. He’s not sure if was his talk with Clint or the guns but the itch of annoyance that’s been building under his skin for the last few weeks is suddenly gone. He makes his way back to the elevator and finds himself actually disappointed when he doesn’t run into anyone.

 

The Time Steve Proved He Wasn’t a Virgin

 

“Has anyone seen Steve?” Sam asks as he enters the kitchen. He’s wearing a t-shirt and shorts, both soaked with sweat, and he’s got a water bottle clutched in his right hand.

“No, why?” Natasha asks from her perch at the table.

“We were supposed to go running this morning but he never showed up so I went by myself. It’s not like him,” Sam says worriedly.

Natasha glances to other end of the table where Tony and Pepper are eating next to each other. “Stark, ask your friend in the ceiling to find Rogers before Wilson goes all mother hen,” she says.

“Nah, he’s probably fine. It’s not like Mr. Star-Spangled doesn’t sleep in every now and then,” Tony says. He spears a piece of omelet on his fork and offers it to Pepper, who eats it while gazing at him adoringly. Natasha gives them a look like she wants to wretch.

“I don’t know. He hasn’t exactly been himself since Bucky came to live here. It’s like he’s been distracted a lot lately,” Bruce says. “Just ask Friday to locate him and make sure he’s okay.”

“Friday monitors every life sign in the building. If anything’s wrong I get an alert. Given that I haven’t heard he’s dead upstairs or something I’m going to assume that he just overslept,” Tony says.

“Then there’s nothing to worry about. He just got his best friend back so let them have some privacy and catch up,” Clint urges.

Sam sits down at the table and twists the top off his water bottle. He takes a long gulp and swallows before saying, “Being a little distracted is one thing. Missing a run when he usually goes for one ****every**** morning is out of character and in my experience out of character is a bad thing.”

“Quit trying to apply your counseling mumbo jumbo to everyone. It’s getting annoying,” Tony snarks.

Sam’s retort is bit off when the door to the kitchen swings open and Steve stumbles in, creating a shocked silence and drawing every eye in the room. Instead of his normal morning attire consisting of a t-shirt, sweatpants, and running shoes, the only thing he’s clad in is a navy blue bathrobe that’s belted loosely around his waist, showing off a snug pair of bright red boxer briefs.

Steve heads towards the coffee maker and pours himself a cup. After he’s added cream and sugar, he turns around and leans against the counter to drink it, seemingly unaware of the six pairs of eyes glued to him or the lack of normal morning conversations. Pepper is the first to speak.

“Oh my god, look,” she whispers and points to his chest.

Steve’s torso is littered with tons of reddish purple bruises that cascade down into his underwear and disappear beneath the confines of his bathrobe. Tony starts to snicker and pokes Clint in the side. “Someone had a wild night,” he sing-songs and the two of them burst into laughter.

Steve looks up from his cup of coffee and glares at everyone. “What?” he says irritably.

“So Cap who’s the lucky lady? How’d you sneak her into my tower without anyone noticing?” Tony asks.

“There isn’t a lady,” Steve says quickly.

“Come on, you’re not seriously going to deny it, are you? Look at you man!” Sam says, raising an eyebrow at him.

Steve self-consciously tugs his bathrobe closed over the love bites. “I’m not denying anything,” he insists.

“Who’s denying something?” says a voice from the doorway.

Everyone’s eyes swivel towards the sound and watch as Bucky saunters in, wearing even less than Steve. He’s clad in a pair of blue and white checked boxers, thick socks, and his hair is up in a sloppy knot on top of his head. Like Steve, he’s riddled with love bites but his are even more pronounced, covering him from nearly neck to foot. There are fingerprint bruises on his left hip where his boxers have ridden down and what seem to be teeth marks on his right shoulder. Silence falls for a moment as everyone at the table puts two and two together.

“Oh my god,” Pepper says again.

“No way,” Bruce says. “You mean all this time the two of you-?”

“You didn’t tell them?” Bucky asks, looking a bit hurt when he lays eyes on Steve.

“I thought you were dead. I didn’t want to tell anyone because I was hurting and it was just…private,” Steve murmurs. He reaches out to caress Bucky’s cheek gently, looking for all the world like he hopes his feelings can be conveyed with a single touch. Bucky gently takes hold of his wrist and squeezes.

“I understand,” he says softly.

“I hate to break up your little love-fest here but how long has this been going on for?” Tony interrupts.

“Since July 4th, nineteen thirty-six. Stevie here got a very nice birthday present that year,” Bucky answers proudly. Steve simply ducks his head and tries to hide his blush with a sip of coffee.

“So you two were teenagers when you got together?” Clint asks.

“Yep. What, did you all think Steve was a virgin or something?” Bucky says. When the looks on everyone’s faces confirm it he bursts into laughter. “No way. Every single one of you thought Steve was pure as the driven snow?”

“Well every time we’d bring up sex he’d get all embarrassed and not want to talk about it,” Clint says.

“Don’t let his whole innocent act fool you. He’s got a filthier mind than I do!” Bucky chortles.

“Bucky!” Steve hisses. He’s bright red now, blushing from the roots of his hair to his chest and he looks like he wants to crawl under the table and hide.

“You should have said something! I kept trying to set you up with women because I didn’t know you were gay,” Natasha admonishes.

“You would have just tried to find me a boyfriend. I told you I wasn’t interested in dating anyone. Bucky’s the only guy in the world for me,” Steve says happily. He wraps an arm around Bucky’s waist and gives him a peck on the cheek.

“Nobody but you for me too,” Bucky says, gazing at Steve with loving eyes.

“Ugh, excuse me while I go into the next room and vomit,” Tony mutters.

“Like you and Pepper weren’t putting on the exact same display a minute ago,” Natasha snaps at him.

And just like that everything goes back to normal. Natasha and Tony continue trading barbs back and forth while Pepper sits there calmly finishing her omelet. Sam excuses himself to shower, Bruce becomes absorbed in reading something on his phone, and Clint starts trying to find a partner for the practice range tomorrow.

Steve surveys the usual Avengers chaos for a moment and then says to Bucky, “Do you want pancakes? I want pancakes.”

“If you put chocolate chips in them then hell yeah,” Bucky replies.


End file.
